It's the end of the workday! For me, at least... Guess what else is rad on this Friday afternoon? Lilian of boyfren/girlfren emailed me and wants to do a giveaway. That means some lucky fool is going to score a boyfren/girlfren people pouch. Yeeeeeeeah, young bulls.
To become The Chosen One you must perform one very important task: choose three Disney princes or princesses to play Kill/Marry/Fuck with (feel free to use asterisks if you aren't a pottymouth like me). AND--since my friend and I have been trying to settle this debate for years--add who you think is hotter: Human Beast or Beast Beast from Disney's Beauty and the Beast (NOT from the live action version).
That is all! Submit your thoughts by Wednesday the 2nd at midnight (PST) and I'll post a winner sometime Thursday morning evening. And leave an email that I can reach you at.
Happy Friday! Get it, get it...
This is hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI would kill Snow White (that perfect skin - what a bitch), marry the Beast Beast (he is WAY hotter than the human one, and would not hate me if I was looking a little beastly myself due to a delay in the waxing schedule) and fuck Cinderella's Prince Charming (I REALLY love a man that appreciates fine footwear)
As mentioned, Beast Beast wins over Human Beast, hands down. Why is this even a question?
Kill:Prince Charming
ReplyDeleteMarry: Beast
Fuck: Flynn Rider
Definitely the Beast Beast. All the way...!
Kill the Prince from Snow White (seriously, she is 14, man! CREEPAZOID), marry Cinderella because a) girl is fione b) she can make us matching dresses from curtains c) MICE BUDDIES, and be the meat in a Prince Eric / Ariel sandwich. A guy who into a half-fish lady must be a freak in the bed.
ReplyDeleteBeast Beast! Human Beast looked like a male model and not in a good way, but in the "I have puffy lips and can't turn left" way.
Kill: Prince Eric
ReplyDeleteMarry: Belle. I'm straight but none of the princes ever really appealed to me... they all sorta seemed like douchebags.
Fuck: Jasmine.
Also, beast beast! I'm not going to think too hard on what that says about me.
Kill: The Prince from Snow White (...did he serve a purpose? Other than kissing her? Really?)
ReplyDeleteMarry: Beast (I've been watching this movie since I was two, it was quite obvious.)
Fuck: Flynn Rider (It's the rebel thing....;D)
And....BEAST BEAST! Because he was epic and adorably wonderful. *g*
Kill: I was about to kill Ariel due to her lack of self-respect, but then again, she gave me that hilarious meme. So my vote goes to Aurora, for lack of self-respect -- hey, at least most of the other princesses explored their options and/or asked for receipts when some guy showed up saying he was a prince.
ReplyDeleteMarry: Prince Eric, because he's the next best thing to Jon Hamm.
Fuck: Jasmine. Did you SEE the look she gave Jafar when she was trying to seduce him?
There's only one problem with the Beast Beast: He probably has a hairier-than-usual sack. I'd feel like a choking cat.
prince beast was ugly! beast-beast all the way.
ReplyDeletekill: aladdin (I was going to say simba bc I don't want to kill a human [taking the game way too seriously], but simba is hot!)
marry: prince eric (I always had something for him)
fuck: prince charming
Ridiculous, awesome giveaway task.
ReplyDeleteKill: Ariel when she says "I'm SIXTEEN, Daddy!"
Marry: Aladdin. Admittedly, a starving streetrat would never have that body, but the world of Disney is magical. Speaking of which, the dude has a magic carpet AND is friends with a genie.
Fuck: If the category could be extended to Dreamworks, then Tulio from El Dorado. Beautiful cynicism.
BEAST BEAST FTW
OOH this is hard. Also, best giveaway questions evs. I just discussed it with flatmates and they were quite perplexed at the bestiality implied by my answers.
ReplyDeleteMarry: Beast (animal verson thnx)
Fuck: Ariel
Kill: Snow White
But so many options.. I'd also consider marrying Cinderella or Belle, fucking Jasmine or Aladdin and killing Ariel or Eric.
Kill: Human Beast, the boner killer. Beast had the most potential to be hot - crotchety, literary, sweet pad. And then he morphed into this flavorless girly man. BONER. KILLER.
ReplyDeleteFuck/Marry: Aladdin. All of the other princes are too damned eager or boring. Aladdin is feisty, you know he'd get the job done. OK, this is getting gross.
Marry: Tiana (Creole food, all the time)
ReplyDeleteFuck: Aladdin (uh, he has a magic carpet. so fun.)
Kill: Beauty (Stockhom syndrome much?)
& Beast Beast, of course.
fuck prince eric (little mermaid)
ReplyDeletekill prince charming (cinderella)
marry the beast (beauty & the beast)
i'd take either the beast or the prince actually. the beast def grew on me by the end of the movie!
Uuuuuuh, this is AWESOME.
ReplyDeleteKill: Prince Charming. He was a total pussy.
Marry: Belle. We'd read books together and stare into each others' eyes all day long. I love her.
Fuck: I've got a tie here. Sorry! It's either A- Gaston. Whatever. He's arrogant and meatheaded, but he. is. a. man. And, I'll stand behind this.
B- Pocohontas. She's TOTALLY hot. And she's got a serious set of stems.
And, Beast Beast. Derrrr.
Okay, I've thought long and hard (no pun intended) and here it is.
ReplyDeleteFUCK-Pocahontas :without a doubt and yes she is considered a Disney princess
MARRY- Eric : he's so wholesome
KILL- Snow White: there is absolutely nothing to her personality. Nothing.
Oh and the beast beast- His big shoulders are to die for. And how cute is it when he slurps up the soup?
Kill: Sleeping Beauty, the embodiment of all terrible princesses
ReplyDeleteMarry: Cinderella, that girl can scrub a good floor
Fuck: Aladdin, duh
Also beast beast - the prince was a total let down. I was kind of hoping Belle would say 'ciao' after seeing that mess.
Alright, here goes!
ReplyDeleteKill: Ariel - so lame, and she's an entitled idiot to boot!
Marry: Aladdin, so I could have sparkly jewels for life!
Fuck: Jasmine - she'd be crazy in bed, plus we could try on each others awesome clothes.
and of cos, Beast Beast, not pathetic, bland Human Beast...
Fuck: Prince Ferdinand (snow white) -love his voice!
ReplyDeleteMarry: Prince Eric
Kill: Ariel (never a fan of her)
And I'll take the beast beast any day, he has that rugged thing going on. Plus his staff was so charming when they were all household objects.
Fuck: Aladdin - Obligatory movie reference/euphemism: I would let him take me wonder by wonder, over, sideways and under on a magic carpet ride.
ReplyDeleteMarry: Pocahontas - In touch with nature and beauty. We could have our own secret meeting place in the woods and watch the tree branches sway in the wind and grow old together.
Kill: Prince Phillip - Huge racist.
I like my Beast beastly, but I would also take him during those 30 seconds of his transformation, when beams of light were shooting out of his extremities.
Kill: Gaston (I know, not technically a prince, but a prick)
ReplyDeleteMarry: Beast
Fuck: Prince Charming
And beast Beast is totally hotter!